Is there healthy perfectionism? | Psychology today

Perfectionists are terrified of their emotions. Therefore, its goal is to create a world without most of them. When patients enter the treatment they fight with anxiety and depressionOften underlying their obvious struggles it is a rigid mental map of the world, which includes their expectations for them and others. Among them is called Absolute perfectionism—The belief that one should be perfect everywhere, all the time and for everyone. In this system of thought, errors are disgusting and look with contempt as they are aberrations instead of integral parts.

In addition, the absolute perfectionist does not consider compensation. They do not believe that being perfect (or near him) in one environment means that he will probably not be in another. They try to merge all contradictory features into a harmonious and impeccable system, eliminating all weaknesses.

Absolute perfectionism, persecution for the impossible, becomes a way of using pity In the present so that they will not have to deal with that in the future or, to be precise, never again. This vision of the world is very intoxicating, and counter -arguments are often found: “Are you saying that it shouldn’t try to be great?” “Isn’t it allowed to love more?” These questions implicitly minimize this way of being, which seems that the perfectionist simply wants what most do: the opportunity to fight for more. However, greatness is not the problem; The extreme expectation is. (Desiring more is one thing; waiting to exist in a state of unlimited is another). Greatness can still be followed. They do not have to rule out perfectionism completely, but they would have to accept a more realistic version of it.

At the other end of the spectrum there is something called Relative perfectionism. This version of construction sees perfectionism as a process instead of a final state, a constant effort to become a better adjustment in one environment. Taking into account the evolution by natural selection, species evolve to better adapt to their environments, whether they become more or less hairy, faster or faster, more short or higher. Natural selection gives them, with the survivors thriving in a particular environment. This means that an environment can be a good adjustment, while another is not.

Applying the concept of adaptation to perfectionism, we can argue that perfectionism should be the search to become a better option for the environment, whatever. If you are a athleteYou are perfecting your ability in a sport. If you are an academic, it is to learn more about your discipline and understand its complexities. Equally important is to wait and accept your mistakes. Relative perfectionism explains that they, which means that this version of perfectionism provides a satisfactory explanation of why they exist, if we consider that “errors” imply lower versions of ourselves, then they are natural parts of the evolutionary process of adaptation, which takes time. Like the most appropriate species they survive and prosper, and just as nature learns from their errors, metaphorically speaking, we use ours to improve. On the other hand, absolute perfectionism sees errors as anomalies that must be ruled out as quickly as possible.

Nature can make mistakes, and we too. The perfectionist tends to consider any alternative as a slippery slope, but I maintain that without ForgivibilityAccept errors as inevitable and necessary, the tendency to rebuke and expect the lack of the lack of the lack of shock will eventually cause a clash. When perfectionists enter the treatment, they want a therapist to tell them how to eliminate their symptoms so that they can improve again. At this stage, his shame, dissociated with any self -desforzamiento, feels unmanageable. But the only remedy is what fear Snowball in apathy. Then, they shrink from that.

However, relative perfectionism is a bit inappropriate because the “perfect adjustment” does not exist, only one that can be better than others. This means that somewhere on the line, someone better than could take their place. So, this version of perfectionism is more terrifying, but less overwhelming: a little paradoxical. Ultimately, it implies the acceptance of reality as always changing, with you, perhaps, on top for a while.

As much of nature evolves, we learn to accept the search for perfection as a chisel of our rough points, a type of death of our old ones. And it implies the idea that, although we can fit in one environment, our talents can be useless in another. Therefore, we will not be universally loved. For me personally, due to me social anxietyI will never become a great speaker, but compensate with my writing. As I accept and expect a limitation, most of my efforts concentrate on developing my trade in another area, hoping that doing so at least will make me a little better in which I am really limited.

Important to keep in mind is the perfectionist Tendency to generalize, fearing the worst based on some defect. So, for example, I could tell me that my limitations in public speech It implies my stupidity, which implies that I am a poor writer. Actually, then, I need to be good in each relevant task, or else I am really bad in each relevant task.

Instead, I tell myself that speaking in public is difficult for me because it eliminates the time of thinking and increases stressmaking clarity less likely. Usually, after I feel terrible with a conference or appearance of the media, I write an article to remind me that I really understand what I am talking about, even if I fight to articulate it publicly. Obviously, this is not a question or a question; I can certainly try to improve my ability to communicate verbally. But the general point is that, regardless of where and how we improve, we have to remind us that nature takes time, either with its species or with us. And even then, we will still have to consider our limitations.