Becoming a father at 44 has left me terrified of dying

Russell Howard, 44, is one of the UK’s most popular comedians. He grew up in Bath before getting his big break in 2004 in the comedy series Milk Run. After that, he appeared regularly on Mock the Week before presenting his own BBC Three show, Russell Howard’s Good News. In 2019 he married Cerys Morgan. Their first child was born in August 2024..

Here he remembers the moments that changed his perspective on money, love, career and health.

My dad is incredibly motivated and also an absolute lunatic. I love him, but he’s angry. A teacher once said that I couldn’t do whatever I wanted with my life. I told my dad when he picked me up from school. My dad made me go back to my teacher and tell her that could do what I wanted. I’m so proud that my dad made me do that. But at that moment, it’s like, “Jesus, really?” I took my time with that walk back to school. I was looking at the flowers, doing anything to not have to go back there and say it. The teacher was not discouraged but it was a turning point for me. I think I got my drive from him.

I really wanted to be a footballer but I wasn’t good enough. I really liked it school. My main memories are just of me and my friends losing their minds laughing. At first it was pretty smart and then it didn’t bother me anymore. He was always playing soccer. That was the main thing. Being pretty good at football at school gives you a free pass in England, so school was fun for me.

But then, as I got older, I became very interested in war poetry. My oldest friend is a guy named Sam. He was, and still is, an incredible writer. We really enjoyed writing poems about war. Poetry is strange. I had to hide it from my soccer teammates because it’s an instant beating. I remember one time I was on the bus on the way to a game and I said, Has anyone heard of Wilfred Owen? Just total silence.

My dad gave me a one-year ultimatum to make it in comedy before getting a real job. In 2002, I had just graduated in economics at university. I tried really hard to get the first one, but I got 69 percent. He was 21 and worked for the RAC part-time, doing comedy gigs three times a week. One day, my dad said I should do comedy full time and see how far I get. If it doesn’t work in a year, then you should quit. It was this surprising ultimatum that he threw at me. I started focusing on comedy and was earning £70 a week. Just before the year’s deadline was up, I was still no closer to achieving it. But then, funnily enough, a few days before the deadline, Avalon booked me at the Edinburgh Festival.

Watching Frankie Boyle made me try harder. After signing, I was introduced to the Comedy Network, which included about 30 gigs. If you supported one of these gigs you would get paid £100. And the fact that you were doing those gigs meant you could get other ones. It was a bit like getting a contract. I was supporting John Oliver, and then Daniel Kitson, who’s a friend of mine now. It was like an incredible apprenticeship in which I was doing 20 minutes of comedy in front of these absolute geniuses. It was the beginning of improving. I learned a lot in Make fun of the week. It was pretty good, and then I saw Frankie Boyle and realized: Jesus, this guy is amazing.. I knew I had to work even harder to compete with him. I realized I should probably sit down and write. I asked Frankie, is that what you do? Was. Before that, I had just been improvising.

My wife is my friend’s little sister.. That’s how we met. Things were a little awkward between my friend and I at the time. She is a doctor and in 2020 she had just taken a break from her career to travel with me on my world tour. But then suddenly he had to go back to work (due to pandemic). I felt like a mother watching her son go off to war.

I returned to my childhood home, an evacuee, and she stayed in our house in London. She really didn’t want to make me sick. His companions settled in my place. It was very difficult. Looking back, I am immensely proud of the decision he made. It really was such a selfless choice.

The really good thing about being a parent is having your baby smile at you for doing nothing but being yourself. I always wanted to be a father. My son was born in August of last year. It’s a truly amazing feeling and it’s fascinating what you’re willing to do for that smile. Clean asses, let them urinate on me, wake them up at two in the morning. However, there is something about that smile. It’s like being bathed in love.

This year he will come on tour with me. I have a European tour in February and then an American tour in March, so he will be on the tour bus. It will be very interesting to see how it works. I love the idea. We will never again have the opportunity to be a traveling band. It could be great. It could be disastrous.

Having a young son at 44 has terrified me of dying. I like the idea of ​​being there forever. I’m really interested “biohacking”. I eat two meals a day. I clearly have a desperately strange relationship with food. It really started during Covid, when I met podcaster Andrew Huberman. I started trying to do the things he suggested, like cold showers.

My father’s mother died when he was young and now my father is really into fitness. I think I have inherited his mania for death. I hate the thought of withering away. I’ve seen family members wither and it was horrible. If I could make it to 90 and be myself until I was 89, that would be enough for me. I love the idea of ​​cheating that aging process.

It’s a madness that is completely driven by becoming a dad at 44. I don’t want to be a burden on him. In 10 years there will be a parent race in physical education. I don’t want to be in Zimmer’s frame, but it will be tough. I will be 55 years old. I would have supported a career at 34, but now? I just want to be able to play football with him. That’s all. I want to be able to spend as much time as I can with him.

Russell Howard presents his new stand-up special, Russell Howard live at the London Palladium, as an exclusive global broadcast on January 15 at 8pm GMT, which will then be available On Demand for a limited period. More information and tickets at russell-howard.co.uk/special